


For the Love of My Brother

by TheEmcee



Category: Gundam 00
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complete, Does it count as incest if they're adopted?, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Heterosexuality, Hurt/Comfort, Incest?, Long, Long Shot, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Mentions of Heterosexual sex, Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slash, Swearing, Tieria isn't in this that much to be honest, Underage Sex, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4023691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When his parents died, Neil Dylandy had to take care of his adoptive brothers. He didn’t mind it; he loved them dearly and they had somehow managed to create a happy life out of the tragedy that befell them. However, things change, feelings change, and Neil has to make a tough decision: risk losing his brothers or risk losing himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Love of My Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the characters or the fandom.
> 
> A/N (1/30/2015): I’ve wanted to write a 00 fic for a while now and this one just would not leave me alone. Because of how the story is, Lyle won’t be in this, neither will Amy, so sorry. Also, since Krugis doesn’t technically exist, I’m making Setsuna Afghani. Please feel free to leave a comment in the towel section! R&R. Enjoy!
> 
> A/N 2: (5/27/2015): It took me a really, really long time to finish this and I hope that you all enjoy it. I apologize in advance if any of the characters seem, well, out of character. When I write AUs in the modern setting, I try to write the characters how I think they would look at things in this day and age, so I hope that explains any oddities. Thank you for reading and please let me know if there are any mistakes! I will fix them ASAP!

~…~

For the Love of My Brothers

~…~

 

Neil was only eighteen when his parents were killed in a car accident by a drunk driver.

It was shocking and extremely heartbreaking for him; his parents had been there since before he was ever even born. Their love and support were all he had ever known, well, aside from his adoptive brothers that is, but that was different. Parents are different than siblings. And although the drunk driver had survived and gone to prison, that still didn’t patch up the hole Neil’s parents had left when they had passed away. With no parents to provide and support him and his brothers, it was up to Neil to be the bread winner. He had never been so thankful for just graduating high school and not going to college in all of his life.

Allelujah had been fourteen when their parents had passed away and he had been with Neil and his family since he was three. He fully understood what had happened and what was in store for them. Being only fourteen, though, meant that he couldn’t get a part time job. That would be difficult for him anyway since Allelujah has dissociative personality disorder, and the only good thing about that was that there was only one other ‘person’ inside Allelujah, Hallelujah. That was where the pros ended, though. Yes, Allelujah was able to draw disability, but only so much a month and that only fully kicked in when he was of age.

Tieria was twelve at the time of the accident. Neil’s parents had adopted him when he was a baby, around the time Allelujah came into the picture. He was smart and Neil knew he’d go onto college after graduating high school. Although Tieria liked to put up a tough front, he wasn’t as rock hard as he wanted everyone to think he was. There had only been a few times Neil had seen Tieria cry, though, and their parents’ funeral had been one of those times. It had almost been too much for him.

And then, there was Setsuna. He was ten when their parents had passed away. He was Neil’s baby, the one Neil felt closest to, the one he liked to cuddle with when they watched TV or movies, the one who always helped him in the kitchen or with chores. After a rather…horrifying tragedy struck Setsuna’s family, he had been forced into the system and then adopted by Neil’s parents when he was five. Tieria was seven, Allelujah was nine, and Neil was thirteen and he was completely taken by the adorable Afghani boy, who was too serious for his age. But he was cute, though, and Neil couldn’t help but feel a close connection with him.

With his brothers all being under age, Neil took a job in one of the distribution warehouses that shipped out all natural foods. He worked in the freezer section. It was hard, cold work and he often worked ten, sometimes twelve, hour days plus mandatory overtime, but it paid well, well enough to let him keep his brothers and pay all of the bills. 

After their parents had died, all four of them took a great deal of time to work through their own sorrow and despair. Neil was able to keep going on because he had his brothers to take care of and work helped to distract him from the loss. Allelujah was touch and go for a long time; it was difficult to tell whether you were speaking to Allelujah or Hallelujah, but he managed, with regular therapy sessions and undying support from his brothers, teachers, and school friends, the few he had. Tieria was extremely moody and distant and cold and oftentimes mean, but he got better too. Setsuna, his baby and the one who was always so serious, would often sneak into Neil’s room late at night and ask to sleep with him because he made the nightmares go away. The nightmares never fully left, but Setsuna got through it just like the rest of them did.

Eventually, they fell into a routine, a happy one, happier than what they had been if you asked Neil. Neil would get home from work around six, he and Setsuna or Allelujah and Setsuna, would make dinner while Tieria did homework. When Allelujah was sixteen, he got a part time job at one of the grocery stores in town and helped Neil out with groceries or bills or whatever. Tieria focused on his grades and made the honor roll every semester, becoming number one in all of his classes and was granted a full scholarship to one of the colleges he had wanted so badly to go to. And Setsuna…

Setsuna was not like the other kids in his classes; he was quiet, serious, didn’t like to be touched in any way, shape, or form – with the exception of his brothers and even then, Neil was really the only one he didn’t mind touching him all of the time – and was often the subject of harassment at school. While Allelujah was from Kazakhstan, Setsuna was from Afghanistan; whereas Allelujah was shy and nice, Setsuna was reclusive and defensive, and the differences between the two meant that while Allelujah wasn’t bullied much, Setsuna was. 

It pissed Neil, and his other brothers, off, but Setsuna hardly said a word about his tormentors and unless Neil, Allelujah, or Tieria asked him, he wouldn’t divulge any information if he came home with a bruise or with gum in his hair. He can’t even count on all of his hands and feet how many times he’d had to go into the school to meet with the teachers or principal and ‘talk’ about this, but it never seemed to do any good. The only saving grace was that Setsuna had managed to gain one friend: Saji Crossroad. 

At least Setsuna wasn't completely alone while at school, which was something Neil was incredibly grateful for.

The weeks after their parents' passing turned into months and eventually months turned into years.

Neil was now twenty-four, Allelujah twenty, Tieria eighteen, and Setsuna sixteen.

Neil still worked at the same job he had landed when he was eighteen. He worked five days a week, from five in the morning to five-thirty in the evening. Sometimes he'd have to work six hours on Saturdays for mandatory overtime, which he never complained about because time and a half was a beautiful thing. When he got home after work, he'd make dinner, Setsuna by his side helping him since his homework was usually done by that time. There were a few days that Allelujah would make dinner and it'd be ready and still hot by the time Neil got home. But that usually only happened on days when Allelujah didn't work. 

With Tieria off at college, it was just the three of them at home now, and although he missed his purple haired brother, Neil couldn't stop thinking that life was pretty much perfect the way it was. He was happy and his brothers were happy and that was all that mattered.

 

~...~

 

"I need you to pick up a gallon of milk before you get home," came Allelujah's voice from his phone. Neil unlocked his car door and slid inside before closing and locking it again.

"Did you and Setsuna drink it all again?" Neil teased as he started his car. "Were you making midnight milk shakes while I was asleep? And you didn't even wake me up? How rude."

"No, we weren't," Allelujah lied right through his teeth. Neil had known his brother long enough to tell when he was lying just by the sound of his voice. It made him laugh.

"Uh huh. Sure. Then what made that brand new gallon of milk I got just yesterday disappear so quickly?" Neil continued teasing as he put his phone on its mount, thankful he had gotten the useful device on his birthday.

"How should I know? Teenage boys will eat you out of house and home," Allelujah mumbled.

"So, now you're saying that Setsuna, our little, tiny Setsuna, chugged a whole gallon by himself in the span of twenty-four hours?" Neil countered, grinning like a goblin. 

"Just get the milk. I need it for dinner," Allelujah.

"What are you making?" Neil asked him as he turned into the grocery store parking lot.

"Fettuccini Alfredo. I'll see you at home," Allelujah told him.

"Yup. Bye-bye," Neil replied and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, he was walking through the front door of his home. He set his keys in the bowl on the little side table that was by the door before closing it behind him and locking it. Hey, one could never be too careful, especially nowadays. 

"I'm home!" he called, although he really didn't need to. From his spot at the door he could see through the living room and into the kitchen. Well, he could see part of the kitchen, mostly the dining table, frig, and a small portion of the counter. That was it, though.

"Welcome back. How was work?" Allelujah asked him, peeking his head around the corner of the kitchen. Setsuna appeared behind him, his big scarlet eyes gazing unblinking at him, as per usual. Neil smiled at them and Setsuna came around the corner to retrieve the gallon from him.

"Not bad. Josie almost ran me over again today. I told John that she seriously needed to get her eyes examined," Neil said as he handed Setsuna the gallon. He ruffled his hair affectionately and smiled at his baby brother before he shrugged off his coat and hung it up on one of the pegs beside the door.

"John's your supervisor, isn't he? Why doesn't he just transfer her to another area or something?" Allelujah asked as Neil stepped into the kitchen and opened the frig.

"We need all the help on my shift and in my area that we can get. We can't afford to be picky, especially now," Neil answered as he pulled out a can of soda and sat down at the table. 

"Maybe you should be more careful," Allelujah suggested. "Knowing you, you weren't being all that cautious either."

"Hey, now! Don't kick a man when he's down," Neil protested, pouting a bit.

"No one's kicking you," Setsuna told him. Neil laughed and ruffled his hair again, a spark of pride shooting throughout him when Setsuna didn't pull away. He never pulled away from Neil, not like he did with others.

"It's just an expression, kiddo," Neil explained. "Kind of like when someone says that 'pigs are flying' or something like that."

"I know that," Setsuna grumbled and looked down.

"You look adorable when you pout," Neil said with a grin. He loved teasing his brothers, but he especially loved teasing Setsuna. Getting a reaction from him was like winning a gold medal at the Olympics. 

"I'm not pouting," Setsuna said, looking back up at him.

"Suuure, you're not. Your secret's safe with me," Neil said, giving him a wink. "How was school?" Setsuna sat down at the table. He shrugged at Neil's question.

"Fine."  
"No one's been picking on you or anything like that?" Neil asked. Most of the bullying had subsided once Setsuna entered high school, but there were still a few instances that made Neil want to seriously beat on a few punks. Not that he'd ever do that, especially since they were underage.

"No," Setsuna replied.

"You wouldn't lie to your dear big brother, would you?" Neil pressed. Setsuna had gotten more open when he one of his brothers asked him something about school, he was more willing to share things with them. It was more progress than what Neil thought they'd make and he was grateful for it.

"Stop bugging him or else he won't talk for the rest of the week," Allelujah said, shooting Neil a look. "Besides, dinner is almost ready."

"Okay, okay. I can't win when I'm being double-teamed," Neil relented, leaning back in his chair. Allelujah damn near choked on his soda.

"Don't say stuff like that in front of Setsuna!" Allelujah gasped at him, trying to get over his coughing fit.

"Stuff like what?" Setsuna asked, looking back and forth between his two brothers. Neil couldn't help but snicker. He knew that aside from what Setsuna had learnt in health class, he knew little to nothing about sex and stuff like that. Unless he had done his own research and just didn't tell him about it, which was highly possible.

"Double-teaming," Neil told him and grinned when Allelujah sent him a glare.

"What's that?" Setsuna asked again, his expression never wavering. It was a neutral as it always was.

"Well, y'see, it's when three people are-"

"Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" Allelujah chanted, his eyes narrowing dangerously at Neil.

"Aw. Don't tell me you don't know what it means, too?" Neil teased him.

"I do know what it means, but there are just some things that you shouldn't tell your underage brother about," Allelujah hissed. 

"You're almost as no fun as Tieria," Neil muttered and sipped his drink.

"Someone has to be normal around here," Allelujah grumbled.

"That's funny, coming from you," Neil replied. Allelujah either didn't hear him or just decided not to answer. Probably the latter. After a few minutes, he started to feel bad and he sighed.

"Sorry. Sorry. That was mean of me," he said, knowing that Allelujah's issues weren't his fault. If it was up to him, he wouldn't have dissociative personality disorder and he'd finally be able to work a full-time job instead of the measly twenty-eight hours a week he was given throwing freight and stocking shelves.

"It's fine. Dinner's ready," Allelujah said, taking off his apron and washing his hands. Neil gave him a slight smile, which he didn't see, and he turned to Setsuna. 

"I'll explain it to you later, if you want," he said with a wink.

They sat down at the table and ate dinner, making small talk and carrying on as brothers did. When they were all done, Neil took the dishes and started washing them with Setsuna by his side drying them. Allelujah went upstairs to shower, leaving them alone. The pair fell into a comfortable silence as they washed and dried, Neil occasionally humming the tune of some song he had heard on the radio at work or in the car. 

"Hey, when we're done here, want to watch a movie?" Neil asked his baby. 

He often just called Setsuna his baby, since that's what he was. Although he couldn't explain it, he had always felt closer to Setsuna than any of his other brothers and Setsuna, he liked to think, felt closest to him. It just was a connection they shared, a sort of love and caring that they held for each other that seemed to defy explanation or reason or logic. All Neil knew was that every time he looked at Setsuna or even just thought about him, his heart swelled with love and pride and a warm, soft smile wormed its way onto his face. He wasn't sure what it was and he tried not to put too much thought into it, lest he tread into waters he didn't want to set foot upon. Some things were just better left untouched.

"Sure," Setsuna replied.

"You can pick it this time. I know you weren't too interested in that Mad Max one we watched last night," Neil said, smiling at him. They often sat together after dinner and watched a movie or something before Neil showered and went to bed. It was a ritual for them, a routine they had been in since before their parents had died. And it was something he greatly looked forward to every day.

"Okay," Setsuna said. He'd never admit to not liking a movie Neil had chosen, but it wasn't hard for the oldest to tell when he didn't like something.   
They finished the dishes and went into the living room, where Setsuna went through their movie collection to find what he was in the mood for while Neil turned on the TV and plugged in the X-Box 360. He sat down on the couch with the controller in hand and waited until Setsuna was ready before opening the tray. After popping the disc in, Setsuna sat down beside him and they waited for the movie to come up.

"Pocahontas?" Neil asked, laughing. He definitely hadn't been expecting that, especially from Setsuna. Maybe Tieria or Allelujah, but not Setsuna. Although, he had to admit that his baby liked a wide variety and assortment of movies, so maybe it wasn't as unexpected as he had thought.

"We can watch something else," Setsuna mumbled, looking a bit embarrassed. Neil frowned. It wasn't like Setsuna to allow others to see what he was feeling or thinking, even him. So, for him to be doing so now, he must think that Neil was laughing at him maliciously, which was not the case at all.

"Nah. It's been a while since we've watched a good Disney movie," Neil reassured him with a gentle smile before pressing play and leaning back, draping an arm around Setsuna's small shoulders and pulling him in closer. He was pleased when Setsuna snuggled against him, silent, his eyes glued to the screen as the movie started.

Neil cherished this time, the time he got to spend with Setsuna and Setsuna only. Allelujah often holed himself up in his room, on his laptop or something, after he showered, and when Tieria was home, he'd be working on school work or something. Besides the sound from the movie playing, it was peaceful and quiet and Neil loved it. He relaxed and watched the movie, occasionally looking down at Setsuna. His hand began to weave through Setsuna's curly, ebony locks, still amazed at how soft and silky his hair was.

Around Governor Ratcliffe's 'Mine' and Pocahontas' 'Colors of the Wind', Neil looked down and saw, much to his surprise, that Setsuna was asleep, his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling with every breath he took, and his lips parted ever so slightly, making him look so very innocent and adorable. It brought a warm smile to his face, the same one Neil had whenever he thought about his youngest brother.

Running his hand through Setsuna's hair again, Neil bent down slightly and pressed his lips to Setsuna's forehead. He pressed his nose against Setsuna's bangs and watched him before he moved the hand that was tangled in his hair to his cheek, stroking it lovingly, reveling in the warmth that radiate from Setsuna's body. How times had he thought of this, of just holding Setsuna, of just being with him? How much did he long for it? How many times would he think about what could be?

Neil's eyes widened and he stopped stroking Setsuna's cheek. He straightened up, ran a hand through his hair, and released a breath of air as he let his arm fall limply around Setsuna's shoulders. What was wrong with him? Hadn't he told himself time and time again that he would stop doing this, that he would stop looking at Setsuna, thinking of him, as someone he could actually be with instead of what he was: his brother? It was wrong, Neil knew that. So very, very wrong, and that was why he was trying so hard to quit while he was ahead. 

Aside from the fact that Setsuna was his brother and that that was what the teenager saw him as, Neil was eight years older than Setsuna. That would be flat out rape. Even if the age gap wasn't there, there was still the fact that they were brothers. They may not have been related by blood, but they had been raised as such. Besides, there was no way in hell Setsuna saw him as anything else aside from his oldest brother. Hell, Setsuna didn't even appear to be interested in either gender or love period! So, this...this...twisted fantasy of his had to stop.

But it was hard. So very hard. Somehow, somewhere along the line, Neil's feelings for Setsuna had turned from purely brotherly to something more. It wasn't as though he wanted to screw the kid's brains out; that wasn't it, not entirely anyway. What he felt was more of a...oh, hell, he couldn't even describe it without sounding completely and utterly stupid. Neil's feelings for Setsuna were far more...pure than that. More than anything, he wanted Setsuna to be happy, healthy, safe, and protected and he wanted to be the one to give him all of those things. He didn't want anyone else to give Setsuna those things; he wanted to do it because he knew that no one else aside from him could love Setsuna so well. It may have sounded arrogant and even a bit insane, but that was what it felt like, and even that description put it to shame.

Not that it mattered. When it came down to it, Neil was a sick pervert who had somehow fallen in love with his baby brother. He knew that he had to keep a certain distance from Setsuna, and yet he just couldn't stay away, not for long. Truth be told, he hadn't even really tried. 

Did it bother him, his feelings for Setsuna? Yes. Was there anything he could change about it? Well, not really. Neil wasn't a love expert or anything, but he was pretty sure that when one fell in love with someone it wasn't something that they could turn on and off. He supposed that it didn't help that he was someone who believed that things happened for a reason. 

Whether he liked it or not, he was pretty much sunk.

 

~...~

 

"Hey, man! You gonna join just at the bar tonight?" Graham, one of Neil's coworkers, asked him as they were heading out from work. Neil shook his head and ran a hand over his face. He hadn't gotten a whole lot of sleep the night before, naturally, what with thoughts of Setsuna swirling inside his mind that he tried desperately to block out.

"Nah. It's my turn to make dinner tonight since Allelujah's working later than usual tonight," Neil replied. Graham shook his head.

"I know that your close to your brothers, but you need to get out more. Have some fun for once and relax!" Graham told him. "Hanging out with only your brothers is just weird."

"Weird how?" Neil asked, arching a brow.

"Well, in the time I've known you, for the past five years, you haven't hung out with anyone outside of work," Graham answered. "And whenever I see you out and about, you're always with one or all three of your brothers. You need some friends dude. Hey, when's the last time you even got laid?"  
Neil stopped and thought about that one. When was the last time he had had sex? He knew that it had been a long, long time, which kind of made sense since he was working all of the time practically. Still, though...

"I thought so. How about this? Billy and I are going to the bar Saturday night. Why not come with us? It'll give you a chance to get some fresh, family-free air and you might even meet a girl you like," Graham suggested. "Come on. Even you need a break every once in a blue moon."

"I guess you’re right. It couldn't hurt, could it?" Neil caved, not really wanting to go and hang out with Graham and his boyfriend, Billy, not really feeling it, but what could it hurt? It was only one night and he wouldn't mind a drink with a few buddies from work, right?

"No, it couldn't! Great! I'll see you tomorrow, Neil!" Graham called as they parted ways.

As Neil drove home, the weird feeling in his stomach only got worse. For some reason, it felt like he was cheating on Setsuna or something. It also felt as though he was ignoring his brothers and he didn't like that. But that was ridiculous. They'd probably agree with Graham: that Neil needed to get out for once. 

If that was so, why didn't this feeling in his stomach go away?

 

~...~

 

"Going out?" Setsuna asked as Neil got ready to leave the house. He and Allelujah were sitting on the couch, watching him before he left. They both seemed a little surprised, Allelujah's face showing it more, but the fact that Setsuna was the one to speak first told Neil that he was just as surprised as his brother, maybe even hurt. 

"Yeah, with a couple of guys from work. I won't be gone for long," Neil reassured them. Allelujah placed a hand on Setsuna's shoulder and smiled up at him.

"Take as long as you want. You deserve a night out. We can handle it by ourselves, right, Setsuna?" Allelujah asked the teenager. Setsuna turned to the TV and nodded, almost ignoring them both at this point. Neil didn't know why he felt a pang of sadness and disappointment at that. He had no idea where his desire for Setsuna to object to him going out came from, but it was there and he couldn't deny it.

"Call me if you need me," Neil told them as he put his jacket on.

"We will," Allelujah waved him off, a small smile on his face.

"I mean it. It's only a fifteen minute drive," Neil said. 

"Okay. Have fun," was all his brother said in reply.

Sighing, Neil opened the door and, with one last glance at his brothers, left the house. As he drove to the bar, he couldn't help but feel disappointed. He knew that neither one of them would raise a big fuss about him leaving; Allelujah had even told him that he deserved this little break, so why didn't he want to go? Was it because he didn't like being separated from his brothers? Yeah, that had to be it. Even before his parents died, Neil disliked being parted from them for too long.

He shook his head as he drove, knowing that that wasn't quite right. No, it wasn't that he disliked being away from his brothers so much as he disliked being away from Setsuna. Allelujah could take care of himself, so could Tieria. Setsuna could as well, but Neil knew that without him there, or Allelujah at least, Setsuna wouldn't eat or sleep properly or do his homework or clean his room or.

It wasn't that. That wasn't it; not really. Neil disliked being away from Setsuna because he loved him, far too much, way more than a brother should love a brother. And that was why he pulled into the bar parking lot and parked his car. He needed to get away from Setsuna and put this distorted love for him out of his mind. He needed a distraction, something to help him forget that he was in love with his brother. Even if it was just for a few hours tonight, Neil was hoping he'd find that here at the bar.

Getting out of his car, he locked the door and shut it just as Graham and Billy pulled into the lot. He gave them a smile and mentally shook himself. Now that he was here, he might as well enjoy himself. Besides, he had willingly agreed to come, so he couldn't back out now. 

"I didn't think you'd come," Graham said once he and Billy were out of the car. Neil shrugged and gave him a grin as they made their way into the bar.

"Surprise, surprise. I'm here," Neil said.

"It is a surprise, but at least it'll definitely be fun now!" Graham said.

"Gee, thanks," Billy commented, grinning at the blonde. 

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Graham replied. 

The three of them sat down at a table near the bar. As Neil looked around the room, he felt himself relaxing. This was going to be easier than he had thought. A few beers, some carrying on with his buddies, and he'd be back home and feeling refreshed and as good as new, with no tension in his shoulders. Yep, this would be a piece of cake.

 

~...~

 

"You're going to set the TV on fire if you keep glaring at it like that," Allelujah told Setsuna. 

Slightly startled, he blinked and looked up at his older brother. He was watching the TV and chewing on the popcorn he had gotten just a few minutes ago. 

"I can't set the TV on fire by glaring at it," Setsuna replied. "And I wasn't glaring..." Allelujah snorted.

"Yes, you were. Don't lie to me. You're not very good at it to begin with," Allelujah countered. Setsuna released a breath of air in annoyance. He loved his brother, but some times, he just wanted to shove him in a puddle of mud or something. 

Silence fell upon them and Setsuna watched whatever show that was playing on the TV while he ate popcorn along with Allelujah. He had no idea what they were watching or what it was about; he was too preoccupied wondering why Neil wasn't there. Yes, he knew why: he was out with some friends. But why did Neil suddenly want to go out with them? Neil had hardly gone out with any of them for a long time. Usually, when he did leave the house to go somewhere that wasn't work, Allelujah and he were with him.

But now, though, Neil wasn't here and Setsuna and Allelujah were. He didn't like it. He didn't like there being so much distance between him and Neil. Setsuna didn't like Neil not being close to him, within arm's reach. It didn't sit right with him; it didn't feel right, not at all. And Setsuna couldn't understand why he felt this way. Whatever the reason was for his...obsession with Neil...it was doing strange things to him, making him thinking strange things, things he was pretty sure a brother shouldn't think about another brother. 

"You know, you should tell Neil that you love him," Allelujah's voice broke the silence. Setsuna's head snapped up and his wide eyes looked at his brother, startled. Allelujah turned to him, his expression serious.

"I mean it. It's not like we're all actually brothers anyway. The only thing to worry about would be the age gap," Allelujah muttered softly.

"Love?" Setsuna asked. Allelujah sighed softly and gave Setsuna a kind, patient stare.

"Yes, love. Maybe I've just been around you two long enough or maybe I'm crazier than we all think, but it's pretty obvious to me that you two are in love with each other," Allelujah answered him. "I can see it in the way you two look at one another."

"What do you mean?" Setsuna said. He had never even realized that he was giving Neil different looks. He had always thought that he kept a decent facade of disinterest on his face, but apparently, he hadn't been.

"Well...uh...for instance, you get all...you look...nicer? Kinder? Yeah, kinder, whenever he's around. Like you won't bite someone's head off just for looking at you," Allelujah said. "And you smile more when he's around, even though most of the time they're small smiles. You seem more relaxed too."

Setsuna took in Allelujah's words and thought on them as the conversation died down. Had he really been doing all of that without even noticing? And was it really because he was in love with Neil? He knew that he cared for Neil; he was closer to him than his was with Allelujah or Tieria. He tried to do his best to help Neil out and he didn't like seeing him down or upset (it just wasn't natural). But did Setsuna love him?

Did he?

When he thought about anyone else, Setsuna didn't feel that special connection that people in movies always talked about. He didn't feel incredibly happy or carefree around Allelujah or Tieria or Saji, his best friend. Not that he felt like that often, but when he was in a particularly good mood, it was usually because of Neil. Neil took care of him, had been doing so since before Setsuna could even remember, and he watched out for him. Often times, just the thought of Neil made Setsuna's heart beat just a little bit faster and he looked forward to getting home from school just because he knew he'd see Neil soon after.

Was that love? Was he in love?

"Am I really in love?" Setsuna asked himself, not even realizing he had spoken out loud. 

"Yup. You got caught hook, line, and sinker," Allelujah replied as though it all made perfect sense.

But did it make sense?

Could Setsuna see himself in a relationship with Neil? Did he even want that to happen? The more he thought about it, the more he was leaning towards 'yes'. One thing made him hesitate though: did Neil actually feel the same way? Allelujah was smart, but even he couldn't outright read Neil's mind and say for sure that the love was there. Maybe Neil was just overprotective. There were a lot of possibilities and variables that could come into play, many of which weren't accounted for now. How could Setsuna or Allelujah know for sure that Neil was in love with him?

And why would he fall in love with Setsuna anyway? There was nothing overly special about him. Nothing stood out. He had always thought that he was pretty ordinary, boring even, and that the only thing that might pique someone's interest were his skin tone and eye color, but that was it, and there were a lot of people that had his complexion. So what was it about him that was so loveable anyway?

He didn't know, and he might never know. All Setsuna could do was sit there and stare blankly at the TV, lost in thought.

 

~...~

 

"Hey, Neil, looks like you've got an admirer," Graham said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Neil turned in the direction that the blonde was staring at. Across the bar, seated by a red head, was a young woman with pink hair. When their eyes met, she blushed slightly and looked away.

"Looks like you're right," he said. She was pretty, and he bet she was smart too, but she didn't spark anything inside of him, not in the way that Setsuna did.

"Why don't you go and say hi?" Billy suggested.

"Yeah, buddy. Who knows? You might get lucky," Graham chimed in.

Neil felt as though he had no choice in the matter really. Part of him couldn't say he wasn't curious at least. Then, something popped into his head. His feelings for Setsuna weren't right and he needed some way to get over them. Perhaps, if things worked out well enough, this woman could help him. It was selfish, he knew that, and a bit out of character for him, but maybe Neil just needed the chance to be in an actual relationship. Maybe his feelings for Setsuna weren't real after all; maybe they were just the byproduct of being lonely. If he was with something, perhaps that'd disappear. And who knows? Neil just might end up caring for her. 

It wouldn't hurt to try, would it?

Standing up, Neil made his way over to the pink haired woman. Once he reached her, he smiled.

"Hi," he said. He felt a bit out of place. It had been quite some time since he's tried to strike up a conversation with a woman. Aside from the ones he worked with, of course.

"Hi," she replied, blushing a bit, and giving him a shy smile in return.

"My name's Neil," he said and extended his hand. "And you are...?"

"Feldt. Feldt Grace," she replied. 

 

~...~

 

Setsuna stayed downstairs on the couch, not even bothering to pay attention to the TV anymore until he fell asleep. The last time he had checked, it was past one in the morning and Neil still wasn't home. Not liking that his brother hadn't made it home yet, Setsuna decided to wait for him, even though Allelujah had told him to go to bed and to quit worrying, that Neil was probably staying with his friends since he was drinking after all. But he couldn't go to bed. 

Some time, probably around nine, maybe a little after, the phone rang and Allelujah answered it. It was Tieria and they had started talking, though Setsuna couldn't recall what they were saying. He did overhear Allelujah telling their purple haired brother that Neil was out at the bar and Setsuna felt his stomach twist into a knot. It had stayed that way until Allelujah left to take a shower and go to bed, at which point he told Setsuna to do the same. 

He didn't, though. 

He didn't like Neil not being here with him. He didn't like Neil not being within arm's reach. He didn't like Neil having friends or drinking. Setsuna knew he was being a selfish brat, but he couldn't help it. Ever since their parents' died, Neil has always been here, night after night, day after day. And then suddenly, he's not. Even if it's just a few hours, Neil's never done this before. Allelujah suggested that maybe he was feeling jealous. Was he?

Was he jealous? Jealous of what? Of Neil going out with friends instead of being at home with him? Could that be what Allelujah had meant? Was he? Setsuna had never really felt jealous of anyone or anything before, so he couldn't really tell...

His mind had been going over all that Allelujah had said that night, about him and Neil being in love with each other and about him being jealous. And he had fallen asleep on the couch that way, curled up in a ball with the TV still on, and Neil still wasn't home. It...was not a good feeling, Neil being away from him like this. 

Setsuna's sleep was fitful unrestful, and uncomfortable, but he didn't stir. Not even when the front door opened.

 

~...~

 

When Neil walked through the front door of his house, it was two-thirty. He ran a hand tiredly through his hair and yawned as he closed and locked the door and put his keys down. After introducing himself to Feldt, he had spent the rest of his night talking to her. She was pretty and smart, a little shy, and everything that a guy could want in a girl. Even after the bar had closed at two, he had spent about ten minutes or so talking to her in the parking lot, Graham and Billy having left an hour before hand.

It had been nice and he had had a good time. Neil had even asked Feldt out on a date and they were supposed to be going to dinner and a movie this Wednesday. However...

However...

Neil liked Feldt a lot and he felt a connection to her, but it wasn't like the one he felt for Setsuna. As twisted as it sounded, Neil could picture a life with Setsuna and it was something he secretly longed for, but he knew he could never have it. They were first and foremost brothers, after all; it would be beyond wrong. Setsuna was still a kid anyway; which made it even worse. He needed to put Setsuna's wellbeing first, and that meant trying to be normal and getting over his sick love for his baby brother. 

It was wrong for him to even think it since it seemed as though he meant to use her, but Neil hoped Feldt could help him with that. Perhaps he just needed to get out and talk to someone who wasn't one of his brothers. Maybe he was lonely. Maybe there were a lot of factors that he couldn't even think of at that time because he still slightly buzzed and definitely tired.

Hopefully, his feelings for Setsuna would be squashed and he would fall for Feldt. Or perhaps he'd just get over Setsuna and not fall for her; who knew? Just so long as things changed...

Neil shrugged off his jacket and hung it up and turned to head into the kitchen when he stopped. His brow furrowing, he turned and saw that the TV was on. Sighing, he made his way to the couch to get the remote when he jumped ever so slightly. There, lying on the couch with his mouth open ever so slightly, was Setsuna, clearly asleep. Shaking his head, Neil smiled before he retrieved the remote and turned off the TV. Turning back to Setsuna, he watched his baby as he slept, his mind blink as his eyes roamed over Setsuna's body. 

Setsuna was still small, even at sixteen, but he was adorable. His hair, he knew, was always soft like duck fluff and his skin was beautifully tanned. He was beautiful. Neil felt his chest swell with love and his smile softened. Then, he came back to reality and shook his head. What was wrong with him? He shouldn't be thinking these things, especially not when he had a date Wednesday and especially not about his baby brother!

Neil contemplated picking Setsuna up and carrying him to his room. Part of him wanted to do so so very badly, but he knew he shouldn't. If he did, he might do something he'd regret and he didn't want that to happen. Sighing again, Neil started up the stairs, paused and looked back down at Setsuna, still sleeping on the couch, and then continued to his bedroom, his heart feeling heavier than it ever has before.

 

~...~

 

"A date?" Tieria asked Allelujah as they talked on the phone. It was Wednesday and Tieria had just called. He usually called them a few times a week, letting them know what was going on, how classes were going, and when he'd be coming home to visit next. 

"Yeah. He's leaving in a couple of minutes," Allelujah said softly. He frowned and looked over at Setsuna, who was sitting at the kitchen table, glaring at his math homework.

"That's odd. He's never gone on a date ever since..." Tieria trailed off, sounding surprised and perplexed.

"Ever since our parents died, I know," Allelujah finished for him. He turned back to the kitchen stove and stirred the vegetables.

"What brought this on?" Tieria asked. 

"I dunno. He's been acting strange lately," Allelujah told him. "Him and Setsuna both."

"How is Setsuna taking this?" Tieria asked. "I thought that those two had a thing for each other." Tieria had been the one to bring Neil and Setsuna's feelings to Allelujah's attention. Before he left for college, he had told Allelujah about it and ever since then, he'd been observing them. Sure enough, Tieria was right, which was what made Neil suddenly going on a date with some woman he met at a bar so strange.

"They do...nothing has changed since you left. At least, not until about a week or so ago," Allelujah explained. "Neil hasn't been acting like his usual self. He hasn't really poked fun at Setsuna, touched him, or talk to him much."

"Perhaps he thinks that his feelings are wrong because we're 'brothers'," Tieria suggested.

"Maybe. But we're not related, not by blood. And just because we were raised together doesn't mean that feelings can't change," Allelujah said. "If it wasn't meant to be, it wouldn't have happened."

"I suppose so. You never told me how Setsuna was handling all of this," Tieria reminded him. Allelujah shifted his phone to his other ear as he bent to open the oven and pull out the tray of shake and bake chicken.

"He's not. He's been moody, quiet, he's glaring at everything, losing focus in school, and he's not really eating," Allelujah answered as he placed the tray on the counter top beside the stove before he turned back to stir the vegetables before turning the burner off. Then, he stirred the Alfredo noodles.

"That's not good. Have you talked to him since the last time?" Tieria said.

"No, I haven't. I don't really know what to say and I don't want to risk making things worse," Allelujah said before he turned off the burner the noodles were on.

"Maybe this date is just a one-time thing. It wouldn't hurt to talk to Neil about all of it," Tieria said.

"You're probably right. I'll do that tomorrow; who knows when Neil will get home tonight," Allelujah said. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "I gotta go. Neil's about to leave."

"Fine. But be sure to text me and let me know what's going on. I want to be kept informed," Tieria told him. 

"Will do. Take care," Allelujah said.

"You too. Bye," Tieria said and hung up. Allelujah put his phone in his pocket and reached up to pull two plates out of the cabinet above the stove. 

"Well, I'm off," Neil said as he stepped into the kitchen. Allelujah turned to him and gave him a small smile. When Setsuna shifted ever so slightly away from Neil, his chair making a soft sound as it was moved, his smile disappeared. Judging by the brief flash of guilt that crossed his face, Neil heard it too.

"Have a good time. And don't worry about us; we can take care of ourselves," Allelujah told him not unkindly. 

"I will, thanks. See you two later, okay?" Neil said. He ruffled Setsuna's hair affectionately, his expression turning soft, warm, and kind, before he left. Allelujah didn't miss the flinch that Setsuna hadn't managed to suppress.

Sighing softly, he dished out a plate for Setsuna and placed it on the table in front of him before he got his own plate. He sat down and began eating, his eyes gazing at Setsuna, who was still glaring daggers at his homework, ignoring his dinner. 

"You need to eat something," Allelujah told him softly. 

"Hn," was the only reply he got. 

"I know you're upset about Neil's date," Allelujah said softly and he saw Setsuna's body stiffen. "But it's only one date. It probably won't lead to anything and it probably doesn't mean anything to him. He was probably asked out and Neil said yes so as not to make the girl feel bad or something. You know how nice he is."

"...You think so?" Setsuna asked him, finally looking up from his homework. 

"Of course I do. You need to believe me when I say that he's genuinely in love with you," Allelujah said and Setsuna blushed ever so slightly at his words. A soft smile spread across his face.

"You know, Tieria and I have both seen it, how you two feel about each other. You two could make it work. It'd be hard, but you'd manage," Allelujah said. He hoped that if Setsuna knew that his other brothers supported him and Neil, that he'd start acting like he normally did.  
Setsuna must have been reassured by his words, because he began eating and he wasn't glaring as much anymore. Allelujah began to relax at last, having gone through a couple of days of tension between Neil and Setsuna. 

On Sunday, when Neil had woken up and had made it down stairs, he had told Allelujah about his night and his date with Feldt. He was surprised to say the least, but he had listened to Neil talk about his night. As he did so and as he watched his older brother, he saw that Neil wasn't as excited as he wanted to believe. It seemed to Allelujah that Neil was kind of faking his enthusiasm and that his feelings weren't entirely genuine. But he hadn't said anything. He hadn't been able to because Setsuna walked into the kitchen, having just woken up from sleeping on the couch, and was staring in visible shock at Neil.

That was when the tension started. 

Setsuna didn't give Neil the cold shoulder per se, but he only responded in grunts and shrugs. If Neil asked him or told him to do something, he would do it, but he wouldn't say anything. Allelujah knew that Neil and Setsuna often watched TV or movies after dinner; that didn't happen Sunday. It didn't happen Monday or Tuesday either. Either Setsuna would be in the kitchen doing homework or he'd be up in his room. When he sat on the couch, it'd be as far from Neil as he could get, and if Neil made a move to touch him, he would subtly dodge it. 

Allelujah knew that his behavior was affecting Neil greatly. His shoulders would slump every time Setsuna would move out of the way of his touches or sit closer to Allelujah instead of him. He looked tired and sad and there were a few times when he'd open his mouth to speak before he'd close it again. And Allelujah knew that Neil had seen Setsuna flinch before he left tonight; how could he not? It wasn't as though their youngest brother hid it well. 

He hoped and prayed that this date tonight would be the last. Allelujah didn't like seeing his brothers so upset and tense. If it continued, he feared that a wall would be built between them that they wouldn’t be able to knock down.

 

~...~

 

"I had a great time," Feldt told Neil as they left the movie theater. Neil smiled at her.

"So did I. We should do this again sometime soon, if you want," he said. A faint blush crossed Feldt's face and her smile widened.

"I would love to," she replied. 

"How about Saturday then?" Neil asked her.

"Saturday works," Feldt said.

"Great! Shall I pick you up?" Neil said. 

"Sure. I'll give you my address," Feldt said and she did so, handing him a torn piece of paper, which he pocketed.

"So, five o'clock Saturday sound good to you?" Neil asked.

"It sounds perfect. I'll see you then, Neil," Feldt said. She gave him a short hug before she left for her car. Neil watched her go, his smile slowly slipping from his face before he made his way to his own car.

He liked Feldt. He really, really did. She was even smarter than he had thought. She was shy, kind of quiet, nothing like what he was used to, especially since most of the women he was used to were his coworkers, most of whom were a bit older and louder, harder working yes, but not women one would want to mess with. Feldt was different. There was something about her he liked a lot, however...

Sighing, Neil got into his car, buckled up, and started it, though he didn't make a move to leave the parking lot. Running a hand through his hair - something he had taken to doing a lot lately - Neil allowed his thoughts to wander back to the same person they always did: Setsuna. Feldt was a great woman and any guy would be lucky to have her, but she wasn't Setsuna. 

God, how he wished so much that Feldt was, though. That his feelings could have been for her and not the youngest member of his family. Hell, he wished that Setsuna wasn't his brother at all! Then, his feelings wouldn't even be an issue, just his age - and that was a can of worms he hadn't even thought about opening up on top of his already loaded plate. Of course, if Setsuna had never been his brother, then he probably never would have known him and that thought hurt more than his taboo love did.

Neil put his car in drive and headed home. It was late enough and he wanted to get home, get a shower, and go to bed. He knew that he wouldn't have to turn the TV off or wake Setsuna up; his youngest hadn't stayed up waiting for him for the past week. Actually, Setsuna hadn't really said much of anything to him and he had kept a steady distance for the past week and a half to two weeks. Just thinking about it made his heart clench painfully. Setsuna never sat near him anymore, rarely said a word to him, didn't watch TV or movies with him as they usually did after dinner every day, and almost flinched or ducked out of the way whenever Neil would try to touch him. Instead, Setsuna had gravitated to Allelujah; he often curled up beside him on the couch now or helped him in the kitchen when he cooked. He usually only talked to Allelujah now or not at all.

Thinking about it made him feel even worse, especially since part of him was jealous of Allelujah for taking Setsuna away from him. But that was stupid and silly; Setsuna was still there, it was just...there was a wall between them now, a wall Neil despised with every fiber of his being. Besides, hadn't he wanted for there to be distance between them? Hadn't he wanted for them to no longer be close so that his feelings could become manageable or disappear entirely? As much as he had thought he wanted that to happen, as much as he thought it needed to happen, Neil hated it. He hated there being so much between them and he hated how fast it had happened. And worst of all, he hated how he just let it, retreating into himself, into his pointless relationship with Feldt, like the coward that he was.

Somehow, Neil had made it home without causing an accident. Getting out of his car, he made his way into the house, surprised to hear the TV still on. After unlocking the door, stepping inside, and closing it again, he turned and saw that Setsuna and his friend, Saji, were both sitting on the couch. They both looked slightly flustered, which made Neil suspicious, suspicious and a bit annoyed, but he pushed it away. He was tired and even though he had tomorrow off, he wasn't looking forward to it, not as much as he usually did.

"Oh, Saji, hey. I didn't know you were coming over," Neil said as he took off his jacket. Saji gave him a slightly nervous smile in return, his face turning a darker shade of red, not much, but just enough for Neil to notice.

"Hi. Allelujah said it was okay. I guess he forgot to mention it to you," Saji said. 

"Not that you're around much anymore," Setsuna mumbled. Neil almost didn't catch what he said. Almost.

"What did you say, Setsuna?" Neil asked, his tone relaying that he wasn't in the mood for moody ass teenagers. Setsuna barely glanced at him, but he shrugged, his body seeming to deflate a little.

"Nothing," he said softly. Saji shifted beside him and he grabbed the empty popcorn bowl and stood up.

"Um, how about I go and make some more popcorn?" he said, mostly to himself since Setsuna was focused entirely on the TV while Neil was focused entirely on Setsuna. He left and Neil continued staring for another minute before he gave in.

"I'm going to bed. Night," he said, all of his annoyance and irritation leaving him as he ascended the stairs. He heard Saji come back and say something to Setsuna, but he didn't even make out what was said; he was too exhausted by his constantly cycling thoughts that never died down nowadays and by the emotions that were weighing heavily on his chest. 

After a quick shower, Neil all but collapsed on his bed. The last thought that crossed his mind was about how funny it'd be if Setsuna was in the same boat he was about his feelings.

 

~...~

 

Setsuna was glad when Neil went upstairs. He hadn't really wanted to talk or see his eldest brother in the past two weeks, but he just couldn't keep his mouth shut. That one comment could have led to a blowout of epic proportions and he didn't want that, not now, not when he was still trying to figure his own feelings out, and definitely not with Saji there with him. It would have made things so much more worse than they already were, and Setsuna was pretty sure things were messed up badly enough between him and Neil. Now, he was dragging Saji into it.

Saji, who had been his only friend since he was a kid. Saji, who stood by his side no matter people said about him. Saji, who never doubted him, who never got impatient with him, who never pressured him. Saji, who Setsuna had decided to suddenly kiss right after Allelujah went upstairs to his room. 

He hadn't been thinking clearly; if he had, it wouldn't have happened at all. All Setsuna could think about was how Neil was out on a date and how there'd probably be another and how he hated it and how he wanted it to stop so damn badly and how he just didn't understand what he was feeling and how Saji was suddenly looking at him with eyes full of worry and then suddenly he was wondering what it'd be like to kiss him, to finally kiss somebody...

Setsuna wasn't stupid; he knew he had messed things up between him and Saji now too. His feelings towards his friend weren't like the ones he felt for Neil. All he felt was a sense of friendship, camaraderie, and trust. Nothing more than that, nothing like that fire that stoked and burned within him whenever he thought about Neil, his brother, his brother that he loved more than anyone else, something that was obvious to his other brothers yet was still a puzzle to him. But he was finding himself starting to sink under all of the confusion, pain, and loneliness he felt now that Neil was off with some woman, doing who knows what. What Setsuna wanted was something that would dull his mind to his feelings and quiet his thoughts, if only for a brief period of time. Saji's lips, his kisses, their almost heated make-out session that followed before they heard Neil's car pull in, had given him that.

Part of him felt bad for using Saji as he had. Setsuna wasn't sure how Saji saw him, especially now, especially after that, but surely he had confused his friend, maybe even upset him. Honestly, he couldn't tell; reading people, understanding their feelings, wasn't something he was good at, not that he had tried to do so often before. Saji didn't seem to be upset as they were kissing, but that didn't mean he wanted it to begin with. Setsuna just kind of forced himself on him, so perhaps Saji had been in shock? He had hesitated with his response, but he had kissed him back and he had seemed to enjoy it as well. 

But then there was another part of Setsuna that didn't feel bad about kissing Saji. He did it for a reason after all: to forget, if only for a few blissful moments, about his heartache over Neil. And it had worked, almost too well because Setsuna almost jumped out of his skin when he heard Neil pull up. Face flushed and chest rising and falling with every pant, kissing Saji had definitely distracted him from his all too confusing and painful reality that had risen up oh, so suddenly. Aside from that, Setsuna couldn't deny that he had enjoyed kissing Saji. While it wasn't what he had thought it would be - there were definitely no fireworks or sparks that all of the books he had had to read in school had often talked about - it was still nice. Comfortable. Slightly awkward, but that was more due his own inexperience - perhaps Saji's too - than the actual act. 

All of this didn't make what he did right, though. Saji had been his only friend for years, had stuck by him even when their peers had tried their best to drag Setsuna down as low as they could, and this was how Setsuna repaid him? By using him like this, by toying with his emotions, whichever ones he had triggered with his initial kiss, and doing so unapologetically, without even explaining himself to Saji. 

"Did Neil go to bed or something?" Saji asked as he sat down beside Setsuna, a fresh bowl of popcorn in his hands. Setsuna grunted and nodded, his eyes still glaring at the TV. He was still tense at seeing Neil, and there was also something else. Something like anger, but not. Whatever it was, it confused him.

"I know that you're not one to talk about stuff, but...are things okay? Between you and Neil?" Saji asked, his expression full of concern as he turned to Setsuna. "You've been kind of...quiet lately. Even more so than usual. I can tell you've been upset."

What could Setsuna tell him? That Neil had recently started dating a woman and that he hated it, hated her even though he had never met her, even though he had no real reason to? That Allelujah had told him that he was in love with Neil and that Neil was in love with him and that maybe he was starting to see it himself, even understand it and what his other brother had been telling him? That there were so many emotions swirling inside of him like a hurricane brewing and raging and threatening to destroy whatever just so happened to cross its path? 

No. Saji didn't need to hear all of that, especially not right after they had made-out. Besides, Setsuna wasn't one to spill his heart out like that; he never had been and he probably never would be. 

"I'm...fine," was all Setsuna could think of to say. That was all Saji really needed anyway. He had known Setsuna long enough to know that him just saying anything at all meant that things weren't like they used to be.

"You know that I'm here for you, right? Just in case you need someone to lend an ear," Saji reassured him after a minute of silence between them.   
Setsuna just nodded, not saying anything in response. But when Saji reached down and took hold of his hand, he didn't let go or move his own out of the way. Instead, he just let Saji hold his hand, his own grasping back ever so gently, as he watched whatever show that just happened to be playing on TV, confused and conflicted as he had been before all of this happened.

 

~...~

 

Saji was coming over to the house more often, more so than usual. Neil didn't like it. He liked Saji and he was grateful that he was Setsuna's friend, but what he didn't like was what was starting to develop between the two of them. It made him seethe in loathing and annoyed him beyond belief, and what made it all worse was that he knew why! While it was so damn stupid and immature, what it came down to was this: he was jealous of Saji.   
Neil was jealous of Saji because Saji had a thing for Setsuna and, from the looks of it, Setsuna felt the same way. He wasn't entirely sure that his baby brother did, but never before had he allowed Saji to sit so close to him or touch him as often as he was the past couple of weeks. Watching it, just hearing the taller teen's voice, irritated him. It was unfair to Saji, who had been kind of like another brother to him up until his jealousy took over, and it was unfair to Setsuna, who had every right to date whoever he wanted to regardless of how Neil felt about it.

Of course, Neil wasn't the only one frustrated by it all.

Allelujah wasn't doing very well the past week or so. His darker half, Hallelujah, was starting to seep through bit by bit and it wouldn't be long before he took over for however long he could last until Allelujah managed to reel him in again. Though, it seemed as though Allelujah was more annoyed at him than anyone else. Why, he didn't know, but Allelujah was often short with him these days, his brow furrowed, his eyes narrowed as they usually did when he had a headache or something. Not only did it puzzle him, it also worried him. Allelujah was, after all, his brother, just like Tieria, just like Setsuna...

And, as always, his thoughts go right back to Setsuna. This was becoming a problem and in more ways than one. Thinking about his youngest brother, his baby, so much was distracting him from work, from his relationship with Feldt, and causing some awkward situations, like when he would get hard just thinking about him. Neil knew that thinking about Setsuna in that way was wrong, but his body sure as hell didn't think so. Just thinking about it now was making him hard and he did not need that right now...

He heard footsteps coming down the stairs and he sighed in relief, grateful for some kind of distraction away from his problem. Within seconds, Allelujah was walking into the kitchen and, upon seeing him seated at the table with a hand propping up the left side of his head, he arched an eyebrow and frowned.

"Are you okay? You look kinda pale," he asked. Neil nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just...have a little problem," he replied. At this, Allelujah looked down at the bulge in his pants and the smirk that crossed his face was purely Hallelujah's. 

"I can see that. Pity it's a little problem; I guess that's why Setsuna's hookin' up with Saji now," Hallelujah sneered at him, knowing full well he had hit a nerve with that one.

"What the hell does that mean?" Neil all but growled, his eyes narrowed at his brother, who was grinning at him with a wicked expression on his face. 

"Oh, come on. Don't tell me you didn't notice Setsuna pining over you? Or were you too busy buried in your girlfriend's pussy to even notice our baby brother anymore?" 

Neil stood up and glared at Hallelujah, who just smirked at him.

"What the hell is your problem? You haven't acted this much like an asshole since Tieria left," Neil said. Hallelujah glared right back at him, his smirk gone in seconds.

"I'm fucking tired of you and Setsuna pussy footing around each other," was the answer he got.

"What are you talking about?!" Neil demanded, his mind racing a mile a minute with what Hallelujah had been throwing at him.

"See?! That, that right there is why I'm so fucking pissed off! You two have had the hots for each other for I don't even know how long! So get over your stupid moral mumbo-jumbo bullshit issue and start fucking already so that I can have some peace and quiet!" 

Hallelujah grabbed a beer out of the frig, sent a death glare at Neil, and then left the kitchen, leaving a dumbfounded Neil in his wake.

There was no way, no way in hell, that Setsuna felt the same way about him. Even if he was curious - all teenagers were curious! - that didn't mean that it was love, actual love, the love that Neil felt and then some. Besides, Hallelujah's word really couldn't be relied upon; he was a known liar. If it was Allelujah who had told him these things, then Neil would feel more sound about it, but it wasn't. It was his darker half, Hallelujah, and that just made the whole thing worse. 

His anger began to subside and he felt himself deflating. Neil sat back down, his head in his hands. What was he going to do? If Allelujah knew, then that meant that Tieria knew too. Whether or not Setsuna knew about his feelings remained unanswered, but if he did, would he be dating Saji? Were they even dating or were they just experimenting or something?

That brought up another thing: what was he going to do about Feldt? Neil liked her, he liked her a lot, but she just wasn't Setsuna. He cared about her and he knew that she was getting the short end of the stick, but he had been trying to move on, move away, from Setsuna. Now, they had been dating for over a month and she seemed to be happy, but he knew it wasn't true happiness, not with him being dishonest about his feelings. What he needed to do was break up with her. It was what he needed to do from the get go. Yet, for some reason, he couldn't. Or rather, wouldn't. That sounded more accurate: he wouldn't break things off with her, and why was that? Because he was a spineless coward, that's why.

Neil was snapped out of his thoughts by footsteps again and Allelujah was back, looking calmer, but still tense, not as relaxed as he usually was.  
"Setsuna told me that Saji was coming home with him after they got out of the movies. I figured I'd make something quick to eat," Allelujah said.

"Saji's coming over again?" Neil said, unable to hide the annoyance he felt. Allelujah rolled his eyes and opened the frig.

"Yes, he is. He's allowed to. If you don't like it, then go over to Feldt's. I'm sure she's missing you," Allelujah said, his darker side showing through.   
As much as Neil didn't want to, especially since he was just thinking about her, he got up, grabbed his keys and left the house. Seeing Saji would only make his mood worse and he needed something to take the edge off, he needed some way to release all of the tension coiling in the base of his spine and all the way up and throughout his entire body. Feldt would be a good distraction, as cruel as that was.

But if it got his mind off of Saji, Setsuna, and the what ifs, he'd take it.

 

~...~

 

Setsuna didn't know how it started; he just knew that Saji, after spending Friday night at his house, had been sitting beside him on the couch watching a movie, Titanic or something like that, and that he started touching Setsuna. At first, it was just his hand taking hold of his own, then his fingers moved to his legs, making gentle circles on his thighs. He felt Saji's fingers tremble, perhaps from nervousness or fear of rejection. But Setsuna didn't reject him; he allowed Saji to do as he pleased.

Allelujah was at work and Neil was at his girlfriend's place and Setsuna was trying not to think about his brother, who was more than likely doing the same thing to Feldt as Saji was doing to him and then some. He tried not to think of how his heart squeezed painfully whenever Neil crossed his mind or how his eyes would narrow ever so slightly to stop the tears that threatened to form in his eyes. It had been years since he had last cried and he wouldn't dare start, not now, not ever if he had it his way. 

While he still didn't know what to name the feeling or feelings he felt for Neil, he knew one thing for sure: Neil was the person he held most dear in his life. And the fact that Neil wasn't here with him, that he had been practically ignoring Setsuna for the past two weeks now - not even ruffling his hair, not even asking him how school was or anything like that - was...painful, hurtful. Coupled with his own conflicted thoughts and emotions and Setsuna was ready to start screaming his head off while he tore his hair out.

And then, there was Saji and his hand and his gentle circles.

After feeling Saji's eyes on him for at least a minute, Setsuna turned away from the TV - it's not like he was all that interested in watching Rose getting drawn like a French girl anyway - and met Saji's eyes with his own. Before he could say a word, Saji's lips were on his own and his mind went blank as his eyes closed and his lips and body automatically responded.

He felt himself arch into Saji's body as they kissed, his chest constricting, his mind knowing that what he was doing was wrong but his body and heart not caring so long as they got relief. The trembling in Saji's hands began to lessen as he reached up and cupped Setsuna's face, the gesture sweet and endearing even if Setsuna was only using him for forget about Neil and his feelings. His mouth opened when he felt Saji press his tongue against his lips hesitantly, still very much a virgin just like Setsuna, although he was far more nervous.

Saji's hands moved from his face down his arms until they reached his waist. Then, Setsuna felt himself suddenly pressed against Saji and the trembling in his friend's hands returned. As they continued to kiss, Setsuna experimentally prodded Saji's tongue with his own, wondering vaguely if he what he was going was right. When he heard a surprised gasp and then a soft, barely audible moan, he figured that he was doing a good job. He pulled back and hissed when Saji unexpectedly nipped his tongue with his teeth, not used to the feeling, not used to any of this but just going along with it.

"Sorry! S-sorry!" Saji said as he immediately pulled away. He was panting and his lips were red, much like his face, and swollen. Setsuna himself felt breathless and he probably looked much like Saji, not that he minded that.

"Don't be sorry," Setsuna told him. Saji looked at him with wide eyes full of fear and desire.

"...Wanna do it again?" Saji asked. Setsuna gave him a small smile, hoping to quell his friend's fears. 

"Yes," he replied and then Saji's lips were on his own again, only the feeling was more forceful, more urgent than it had been before.

The trembling in Saji's hands was still present, but it wasn't as strong as it was before. They felt more sure, more confident, and so did Saji's kisses. Perhaps what Saji needed was for Setsuna to vocally tell him that what they were doing was okay. A hand traveled up to his hair and tangled in his ebony locked, pulling them just enough to make Setsuna shift a bit. The other was holding his hip, fingers digging into the fabric of his jeans. And then, Setsuna found himself being forced to lie down on the couch with Saji's warm body on top of him.

His own hands began to move on their own, Setsuna's brain going silent, shutting itself off so as not to think about other things and ruin the moment. They moved underneath Saji's shirt and began running over the smooth skin, eliciting a delightful shiver from his friend. When his hands brushed over erect nipples, Saji gasped softly into their kiss and began to moan when Setsuna started rubbing them in between his thumbs and fore fingers. Even though it wasn't the voice he longed to hear, the moans and pants were what he wanted. 

A heat began to build inside of him and before Setsuna realized it, he had broken away from Saji's lips and had removed his shirt, tossing it over the back of the couch carelessly. Saji wasn't muscular or anything of the sort, but he was nice looking all the same. Much like Setsuna, he was thin and wiry. Nothing at all like Neil, but Setsuna refused to acknowledge that. 

"H-hey, now. I won't be the only one who's topless," Saji said, sounding more confident despite his red face. 

Setsuna took his hint and removed his shirt as well, dropping in on the floor. He watched as Saji's eyes roamed his body and only then did he feel slightly self-conscious. But he didn't fidget, he didn't budge; he remained stationary until Saji made a move.

And he did.

He leaned down and ran his fingers over Setsuna's hard nipples before taking one in his mouth and sucking it. That hadn't been expected, but Setsuna enjoyed it nonetheless, his eyes drifting shut at the sensation and a small moan escaping him. Saji was rubbing the other one gently while he sucked and all Setsuna could do was hold himself up by his arms, arching into Saji and his touch.

Before he knew it, though, he was lying back down, his amber eyes gazing into Saji's brown ones. Saji pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before he moved to his jaw, placing kisses along it until he made his way to Setsuna's neck, where he stopped. His tongue ran over the skin there and Setsuna felt himself gasp, still so very new to being touched in this way, every sensation so vastly different and yet the same somehow. With his eyes closed once more, Setsuna felt every move of Saji's tongue and every gentle caress as Saji's hands different from his chest to his pants, his fingers moving underneath them to tease at the soft skin there.

The heat that had started building was getting intense, spreading throughout his entire body, throwing all caution to the wind. In that moment, Setsuna began to desire Saji, to want him touching him everywhere and leaving no patch of skin be. He wanted Saji's hands and lips everywhere; he didn't care that Saji wasn't the one he cared for the most. In that moment, Saji was making him feel things that he had never experienced before and he needed more.

Somehow, their pants and boxers melted away, leaving them naked and panting softly on the couch, their eyes drinking each other in, their bodies covered in a light sheen of sweat, the movie long since forgotten. Amber eyes and met brown and then, they were kissing with a passion that Setsuna didn't even knew he had within him. He kissed Saji as though he were the air he breathed and the water he drank; he kissed Saji as though his life depended on it.

And when Saji rubbed himself against Setsuna, waves of unadulterated pleasure and heat drowned him, causing his head to be thrown back and a moan to erupt from his throat. His body was on fire and Saji was only making it worse and it was delightful. One of Saji's hands spread Setsuna's legs apart, opening him up before it caressed his inner thigh softly. Setsuna didn't even register the ticklish sensation; all he felt was the pleasurable spark that the action created within him. Fingers danced across his bare skin lightly, dragging out gasps and moans as they did so. From his inner thigh, they traveled down, stroking his flesh fondly.

So caught up was he in what Saji was doing to him and making him feel, that Setsuna didn't even hear the front door open. His mind did, however, register one thing, and that was:

"What the hell is going on here?!"

Neil's voice.

 

~...~

 

Neil left Feldt's place feeling better; not much, but still, better. His body was still tense, rigid, and he still felt annoyed that Saji was at his house, but it was tolerable now, containable. 

Or so he had thought.

Upon entering his house, his eyes immediately went to the couch, where Saji and Setsuna were and all that his mind registered before his mouth opened was naked skin.

"What the hell is going on here?!" he shouted, anger causing his blood to boil and twisting his face into something fierce. 

Saji jumped and stumbled off of the couch, landing on his ass. He quickly scrambled around on the floor, looking for his clothes, all the while blushing madly and stuttering out apologies. Neil glared at him as he rushed about the room, but most of his focus was on Setsuna, who was sitting on the couch glaring at him. After a few minutes of stumbling about and spouting apologies, Saji was finally dressed and inching towards the door, where Neil still stood. As the teen approached, Neil moved out of the way so that Saji could leave.

"I-I-I-I am s-so s-s-sorry," Saji stuttered for what seemed as though the millionth time. 

"Whatever. Just get out," Neil growled and he was satisfied that Saji paled as he left. When the door was closed and locked, Neil stalked over to Setsuna, who had just pulled his boxers on and was grabbing for the rest of his clothes.

"What the hell was that, Setsuna?!" Neil seethed as he towered over his baby brother. Red wasn't the only color tinting his gaze; green was as well. He wasn't a fool; Neil knew that he wasn't just angry, but jealous as well. That much was obvious.

"Wasn't it obvious?" Setsuna shot back, as he stood up, clothes balled up in his fists, head bent down, and eyes still narrowed in a glare.

"Don't get smart with me! What were you thinking?! Letting Saji put his hands on you like that?!" Neil shouted. Setsuna growled.

"Why do you care what I do now? Don't you have a girlfriend to worry about?" Setsuna ground out, his voice low, his anger apparent.

"Don't turn this around and make it about me! You're only sixteen! You're too young to be having sex with that boy!" Neil argued.

"He has a name and before tonight you used to like him," Setsuna countered.

"That was before I walked in on him almost-!" Neil cut off, his anger at a boiling point.

This is not what he wanted. This is not how he wanted the rest of his night to go. All he had wanted when he left Feldt's was to get home, take a shower, and go to bed. Instead, he walked in on Saji almost fucking Setsuna, his Setsuna, his baby, his brother, his dearly beloved.

He needed to just walk away, just walk away before he did something that he'd regret, like finishing what Saji had started. Neil knew he was hard; just seeing Setsuna naked on the couch was enough to get him going. If he stayed down here in the living room with Setsuna still clad only in his boxers, Neil knew he'd lose what little self-control he had left.

"Whatever. I'm taking a shower and going to bed," Neil grumbled as he headed up the stairs.

His shower wasn't nearly as relaxing and refreshing as he had intended it to be. He spent the first part of it jerking off, his eyes shut as his hand ran up and down his shaft, images of Setsuna naked, beneath him, on top of him, riding him, clinging to him, gasping, moaning, panting, shuddering fueled him until he reached his climax, groaning loudly as he came. After watching all of the evidence drain away along with the water that cascaded down on him, he washed himself and stepped out, quickly drying before pulling on a clean pair of boxers.

Neil groaned softly as he collapsed face first onto his bed. He needed his body to relax and that just wasn't going to happen. It hadn't happened when he was with Feldt - which had seemed pointless since it was Setsuna he thought of to get it up anyway - and it hadn't happened even after he had masturbated. His body was so tense that it'd probably snap in half like a plank of wood if it was bent too much.

Turning over on his back, Neil sighed in aggravation when he looked down and saw that he was hard again. This was getting ridiculous. Neil knew what he wanted, or rather who he wanted, but he couldn't...he just...couldn't. He wanted to, oh, God, did he want to, but...

His bedroom door creaked open and Neil closed his eyes and slung an arm over them for good measure, twisting his legs in a way that his erection was at least a slightly hidden from first sight.

"What is it?" he managed to ask, not caring who it was, just wanting to be left alone.

Soft footsteps accompanied his question and Neil knew it was Setsuna. He felt the bed dip down and he could feel Setsuna's body heat radiating off of him. Neil knew that he was within reach; if he wanted to, he could have Setsuna in his arms in no time, and it wasn't as though Setsuna would be able to break free of his hold either.

"I don't understand," came Setsuna's soft voice, clouded with confusion and annoyance, annoyance at his own ignorance. 

Neil barely lifted his arm and gazed at his baby brother. He looked perplexed, as though he were trying to figure out how to piece together a particularly difficult puzzle. What was he thinking? What was on his baby's mind? And dear, sweet Lord, did Setsuna have even the slightest inkling of how adorable and sexy he looked right then and there? Did he know what he was doing to Neil? Did he have the slightest clue? Probably not. 

"What don't you understand?" Neil asked him.

"I don't understand...why you're so angry about...Saji and me," Setsuna answered.

In that moment, Neil's mind shut off. All he could process was how Setsuna looked, so young and innocent in his confusion yet also so tempting and inviting. Dressed in one of his night shirts, which was really just one of Neil's old shirts that he had out grown years ago, and his boxers, Setsuna just looked so good to him. His fingers itched to touch him, to run over ever expanse of skin they could. 

Without thinking, running on pure instinct, Neil reached out and took hold of Setsuna's forearms as he crossed the distance between them. Within seconds, his lips were on Setsuna's and the entire world fell away. All Neil knew anymore was Setsuna, his lips, his small body, his scent, and he craved more of it, needed it more than a man dying of thirst in a desert. 

And when Setsuna kissed him back, his body relaxing and leaning into Neil, his heart all but stopped. Moaning softly, Neil brought one of his hands up and threaded his fingers in that soft, silky hair of Setsuna's, reveling in how it felt. It was even better than he had imagined; it was everything he had ever dreamt of and so much more.

Neil pulled Setsuna to him, his larger body pressing against Setsuna's smaller one, and it just felt so right! So incredible! As though they were created to fit together, like pieces to a puzzle. The gasp he got from Setsuna drove him mad and he deepened their kiss, tongue delving into Setsuna's sweet, hot mouth. He felt small hands and thin fingers pull and tug at his hair and he rolled them over so that Setsuna was lying on his back with Neil's body towering over him.

Pulling away from their kiss, Neil began pecking Setsuna's jaw and neck with his lips, teeth occasionally nipping his soft skin, tongue coming out every so often to lick. Feeling his brother's body shiver and writhe beneath him made his cock twitch in anticipation and before Neil knew it, he was pulling Setsuna's shirt over his head and tugging his boxers down, baring him again to the world.

Rising up from Setsuna's body, Neil's eyes roamed over the vision before him. Not even Heaven could compare, of that he was certain. Setsuna was beautiful, so much more than any woman he had ever laid his eyes upon. And he felt just as wonderful as he looked. Neil's hands caressed Setsuna's sides, causing him to squirm ever so slightly, his face contorted in pleasure and desire. A smile crossed Neil's face; he was the one making Setsuna feel this way and that was how he wanted it. 

"Beautiful," he whispered as though he were saying a prayer. The blush he got in return and the shocked look on Setsuna's face melted his heart and he leaned down and kissed him tenderly. 

Setsuna's inexperience and innocent reflected in his actions, but he tried to put up a brave front and kissed Neil back with enthusiasm and lust. Neil wasn't fooled though. His hands roamed down to Setsuna's legs, one of his one wedging between them, parting them. Setsuna was untouched, pure, at least, he had been until Saji had started letting his hands roam and.

Neil prodded Setsuna's entrance before delving inside, causing his brother to arch up against him, their erections rubbing together because of it. A moan rumbled deep in his throat and seeped out of him. Breaking their kiss, Neil panted softly, his skin slick with a light sheen of sweat. His green eyes watched Setuna's face as his finger moved within him, his heart skipping a beat at every gasp and pant. Setsuna was chewing on his bottom lip, biting it almost hard enough to break the skin. 

When he inserted a second one, Setsuna's eyes shot open and he moaned loudly. Neil grinned and nibbled his ear, chuckling softly.

"Don't hold back now," he teased lightly. 

His fingers began to scissor Setsuna's tight, hot body, stretching him, while his other hand stroked his thigh soothingly. He willed Setsuna to relax and kissed, nipped, and licked his neck, marking Setsuna as his and his alone. Neil added a third one and began thrusting his fingers in and out of Setsuna, drinking in each and every little gasp and moan. 

Suddenly, he pulled out of Setsuna altogether and pulled away from him, sitting up. The displeased sound Setsuna made and the disgruntled look on his face made Neil smile and he placed a kiss on his forehead. Leaning across his bed, he grabbed a bottle of lubricant out of the bedside table drawer and popped the cap open. The gel was cool and it caused him to shiver, but it soon warmed up in his hand.

"Take my boxers off," Neil commanded. 

Setsuna, looking wide eyed and hungry, did as he was told. Nimble fingers pulled his shorts down and exposed his erection, which made Neil hiss as the air hit it. After tugging them down as far as they'd go, Setsuna leaned back and watched as Neil slicked himself with lube, moaning as his neglected erection was touched at last. Once he was satisfied, Neil removed his boxers completely and leaned back over Setsuna, pressing him back to the bed as he lined himself up.

"This will hurt, but it will get better," Neil told him. All Setsuna did was nod in response before Neil pressed their lips together in a passionate kiss. And then, he was pushing forward, his cock passing that tight ring of muscle as he entered Setsuna. He stopped for a moment when only his head was in to give his brother a reprieve, but then, he sheathed himself fully in that virgin body.

He broke the kiss and groan in pure, unadulterated bliss once he was inside. Setsuna's body felt absolutely incredible around his cock. It was hot, tight, and clenching around him. The pleasure he got just from resting inside Setsuna was almost enough to make him come, but Neil refused to do that so soon. 

His green eyes scanned Setsuna's face, his movements stilled until he was sure it was okay to move. A hand caressed Setsuna's cheek and neck, trying to soothe him and help ease some of the pain. Pressing a chaste kiss to Setsuna's jaw, Neil pulled out until only his head was left inside before he thrust back in again, causing Setsuna to gasp and arch against his body.

Starting off slow at first, Neil began pulling in and out of that wonderful, blissful tightness, all the while panting against Setsuna's neck. Small hands and thin fingers wrapped around his shoulders, keeping him close, digging into his bare flesh. Setsuna clung to him and that made the entire experience even better than it already was. Hear those sweet, delectable pants, gasps, and moans made him go faster and before he knew it, Neil had thrown caution to the wind and was pounding into Setsuna's body with a ferocity that would probably be considered frightening by some.

A hand traveled across Setsuna's thigh and to his neglected erection, wrapping around it. He began stroking Setsuna in time with his thrusts and was rewarded with even more mewls of pleasure and blunt nails drawing blood from his back. Neil watched Setsuna through eyes clouded by lust and desire, his body slick with sweat and his breathing ragged and shallow. That ever familiar coiled of heat mixed with cold began pooling in his stomach and Neil knew that he'd be reaching his breaking point soon.

His lips crashed into Setsuna's, all but ravaging him viciously, and he was only mildly surprised when Setsuna kissed him back with as much fervor and passion. With one hand stroking his erection, the other pushed one of Setsuna's legs up, spreading him open even more and Setsuna pulled away from their kiss to throw his head back and cry out in passion. God, the sight his baby brother created would put even the most talented porn stars to shame. He was beyond breathtaking, a true sight to behold, and he was Neil's. 

"Come for me, baby," Neil panted in Setsuna's ear as he continued his fast-paced thrusting, his rhythm out of sync as he was utterly lost in the moment. "Come for me."

Setsuna cried out as Neil stroked him one last time before he came, coating Neil's hand and his stomach with his seed. His entire body tensed and clenched up as he came and that in turn made Neil come. Buried balls deep inside of Setsuna's body, Neil stilled as his brother milked him for all he was worth. With his head thrown back and a guttural growl erupting from his throat, Neil rode out his orgasm until it had ended.

Panting and sweaty, Neil gazed down at Setsuna, who had collapsed onto the bed, before he joined him. Still inside of his body, Neil laid down beside Setsuna and pulled the smaller body to his own, not caring about the mess they had made or that they were sweaty and sticky. All he cared about was sleeping next to Setsuna at long last.

Neil listened as Setsuna's pants subsided and his eyes fought to stay open, wanting to drinking as much of Setsuna in as possible. He didn't even realize he had fallen asleep until darkness was all he could remember.

 

~...~

 

When Setsuna woke up, he was alone. Rubbing the remnants of sleep from his eyes, he rolled over onto his stomach and stared at the empty space beside him where Neil had slept. Without thinking, he reached out and placed a hand there. It was cold. How long had Neil been gone?

Trying to sit up, a sharp pain spiked and Setsuna hissed, wincing ever so slightly. With eyes narrowed in pain, Setsuna sat up and looked around Neil's bedroom. It was as tidy and as neat as ever with only his own pair of boxers littering the floor and his night shirt. Actually, it was one of Neil's old shirts and he wore it all of the time to bed mostly because it had belonged to Neil. 

Bringing his knees up to his chest, Setsuna wrapped his arms around them, his hands latching onto each other in a vice grip. Memories of last night were still fresh and vivid in his mind and his body yearned for Neil's touch on his skin. His heart ached knowing Neil wasn't here with him, even though he was probably down stairs, drinking coffee and enjoying his day off. 

Did Neil think of him differently now? Did he see him in a different light, think little of him now? What had changed now that they had done...that? Setsuna knew that things couldn't go back to the way they were now, but was it a good change or a bad one? What did this mean for him and Neil? Was Allelujah right? He had to be right; if he wasn't, last night wouldn't have happened, right?

He just didn't understand! It was starting to frustrate him even more now! Setsuna didn't know for sure how Neil felt. How could he unless Neil told him point blank? Hell, he wasn't even sure what he felt! His feelings for Neil...he just didn't understand them! Or any of this! 

Setsuna got out of bed, a surge of mild pain sparking as he moved, and picked up his boxers and shirt, putting them on, and leaving the bedroom. Neil would be down stairs and Setsuna needed to find out what was going on now, what last night meant, and what they were now. As he made his way downstairs, Setsuna felt his heart begin to race and he felt a heat rise in his face. He hadn't thought about the fact that he'd be seeing Neil right after they had done...it.

Stopping outside of the kitchen, Setsuna felt his face flush. It just now dawned on him that he had had sex with his older brother. Before Neil came home last night, he was about to do the same with Saji. Saji was his friend, but Neil...Neil was so much more than that. Setsuna shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind. He needed to organize his thoughts and talk to Neil about last night. Maybe then he would understand and things would return to some semblance of normalcy.

Stepping into the kitchen, Setsuna's eyes are immediately drawn to the figure standing in front of the coffee machine. His eyes widen as they take in Allelujah's back, his body tense and stiff. Looking around the kitchen, Setsuna realized that Neil wasn't there. He was about to open his mouth when Allelujah turned around and saw him. Silver eyes widened ever so slightly and, with coffee cup in hand, he sat down, his face contorting into an expression of annoyance.

"Where's Neil?" Setsuna asked softly, dread already seeping into his pores and clouding his mind. 

"Feldt's of course. He practically ran out of the door this morning," Allelujah replied, his irritation quite obvious. Setsuna frown and sat down at the table, his eyes boring into it.

"...Because of last night?" Setsuna asked and blushed immediately, his eyes darting up to his brother. Allelujah sighed.

"I already know what happened. You two weren't exactly quiet," he said, but he was trying to calm himself down. Setsuna could tell by his deep breaths and how he would close his eyes for a few seconds every so often.

"Oh," was all Setsuna could say.

"I would say congratulations, but seeing as how Neil is acting like an ass, there's no point," Allelujah said. "He's only making things worse. For everyone."

Setsuna remained seated at the table even after Allelujah had finished with his coffee and left for work. His mind was overflowing with questions and thoughts that just would not leave him be. Such as: if Neil loved him like Allelujah had said, then why did he have a girlfriend? After last night, didn't he want to at least talk to Setsuna, either to resolve this horrible tension between them and break down the wall that had recently been erected or lay a boundary line that neither one of them would cross from now on? Would Neil leave him now and remain with Feldt? Would he move out? Would he ignore Setsuna forever? Did he even know that Setsuna was plagued with these thoughts and feelings, most of which he did not understand? 

Did he care?

It had been years since Setsuna had last cried, but right then and there he had to shut his eyes as tight as he could and clench his fists hard to stop himself from doing so. This pain and confusion he was feeling...it was so strong, it was almost unbearable. Was this what it felt like to break? Could a person even be broken? Or was this just the consequence of his actions, of caring for Neil too much?

Blunt finger nails dug into the palm of his hands and caused blood to gently seep out, but Setsuna ignored that. He was focusing all of his will on keeping those tears held at bay. His chest rose and fell as he heaved with dry sobs that escaped only through his nose and his body felt like a plank of wood, stiff and unmoving. His mind began to clear as he focused himself - a hard thing to do as waves of heartache and despair continued crashing into him every now and then, forcing him to reel himself back in. 

If this is what love was like then Setsuna wanted no part of it. Though even as he thought the words he knew they were a lie.

 

~...~

 

Sitting in one of the chairs in Feldt's kitchen, Neil laced up one of his boots, getting ready to return home. He had work tomorrow and he needed to shower and try to get some sleep before his shift. 

After waking up this morning, he had freaked out about what he had done. He had had sex with his baby brother, a sixteen year old, and he just had to get out of there. Grabbing some clothes, Neil all but ran out of the house, nearly shoving Allelujah out of the way as he did so, and jumped in his car before he could face the music. 

Upon arriving at Feldt's and being let inside, Neil had all but shoved her against the wall, kissing her with a force and passion that was almost unknown to him. Almost, because it was what he had felt with Setsuna the night before, that unadulterated passion and desire and adoration that made men do the craziest of things. Feldt had been caught off guard, not knowing what to make of Neil's sudden frenzy, but she eventually went along with it. 

Throughout the entire day, all Neil could think of was Setsuna. Every touch he placed on Feldt's skin was immediately compared to Setsuna's tan, unblemished skin and how much he preferred it over the pale ivory of her's. Whenever he looked into her eyes, he saw amber and not the bright blue of Feldt's. It was Setsuna's voice he heard whenever Feldt cried out in pleasure. And it was Setsuna's hands and fingers that touch him and drove him wild. Whether or not Neil had cried out Setsuna's name he did not know. What he did know was that he felt just as bad, if not worse, than he did earlier on. 

This was bad, Neil knew. He was completely and totally in love with Setsuna and nothing and no one would or could make him forget that no matter how hard he had tried to do so. Finishing tying his lace, Neil ran a hand over his face and sighed heavily, feeling as though the weight of the entire world rested upon his shoulders. Soft footsteps behind him didn't even register until a hand was placed on his shoulder, comfortingly. 

"Neil?" Feldt said softly and he turned and looked up at her. Giving her a strained smile, he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I have work in the morning and I need to get home," he said. Feldt studied him as he tying his remaining boot and he was well aware of her eyes on him. As he grabbed his jacket, she spoke once more.

"You're in love," she said gently. "But…not with me." Her words had a finality about them that could not be denied. Besides, Neil knew this ruse couldn't go on forever. It was fair to her; why should she have to suffer too? His shoulders slumped and he turned to her, his eyes full of sadness and guilt.

"Yeah," he confirmed. 

"Then why are you with me?" she asked. She deserved answers, but Neil wasn't sure how to give them to her. How could he tell her that he had fallen in the love his baby brother and that he was using her to distract himself from his fate? 

"It's...it's complicated," he said, sounding tired and resigned.

"Then just tell me what you can. Maybe I can help you," Feldt said.

Running a hand through his hair, Neil sat back down and locked eyes with Feldt for a second before looking back down? How could he put it? What exactly could he tell her without getting himself arrested and thrown in jail? Just the bare minimum, but how to say it? He had to start somewhere...

"I... Well..." Neil began and then sighed. He needed to stop beating around the bush and just get it over with. All of this running he was doing was just making him even more tired than he already was. It was time to face the music. "He's sixteen."

"Oh," Feldt said softly, her eyes looking down. It was obvious she hadn't been expecting the 'he' part judging by the look on her face and Neil felt bad for that. But it was what it was so there was no point in denying it anymore, right?

"We've been really close for a while now, but...he's like a...a brother to me. And I just..." Neil stopped, knowing that he probably already said way too much.

Feldt looked thoughtful for a moment, her teeth chewing on her bottom lip. She looked adorable and if Neil was anybody else he probably would have felt the urge to kiss her. Except he didn't. 

"I don't see the issue," Feldt finally said after a long silence. Neil looked up at her, surprised and shocked at her words. 

"How can you say that?" he asked her, his voice a whisper, almost as though he were afraid to speak.

"Well, aside from the age difference, there's nothing wrong. And, to be honest, at sixteen a teenager is quite aware of what is right and wrong and is fully capable of making decisions on their own. Whatever consequences may arise, they should pay them just like everyone else. But they have to be allowed to make choices first in order to reach that point," Feldt explained. "Even the age difference isn't that severe. Eight years is only eight years. There are partners who have decades of years between them and they manage just fine."

"Yeah, but," Neil started but was cut off.

"Neil, what it comes down to is simple: love is love. Love isn't wrong; how can something like love be wrong? If something is wrong then our bodies automatically respond to it in a negative way. Do you respond to your loved one negatively? Or rather, does it feel wrong to you?" Feldt asked.

Neil blinked, having not expected her question. Aside from the fact that Setsuna was his adoptive baby brother and that they were eight years apart, did he feel wrong about his love? As he thought about it and about Setsuna, he began to realize that no, no, he didn't get that feeling at all. What he felt as he thought about it was a light, warm feeling that filled up his entire being and made him feel good, really good. Had he neglected this feeling because he was too worried about how him loving Setsuna was wrong? Or had he just not thought about it until now?

Did it really matter? 

"No. No, it doesn't," Neil said slowly, feeling more sure and more grounded than he had in a while now. Feldt gave him a smile.

"Then there's your answer," she said. She stood up and made her way to the frig. "You should probably get home. You have work tomorrow after all."

Neil stood up and hesitated. "Listen, Feldt..."

"Neil, I'm a big girl. You're not the first and you won't be the last," she said and turned around to face him. "So...friends?" He gave her a small smile.

"Friends." 

Nodding to her, he turned and left, feeling as though the world had been lifted off of him.

 

~...~

 

Setsuna was sitting on the couch beside Allelujah. Some show was playing on the TV, but he wasn't paying any attention. He was thinking, thinking about Neil and about how he was with his girlfriend and not here, never here. Without realizing it, he started to lean on his brother, his amber eyes gazing into the TV though not seeing the images on screen. 

Perhaps Allelujah and Tieria had been wrong. It was more than possible; after all, they were human. Maybe Neil just loved him like a brother and last night he just...needed somebody aside from Feldt to be with. Maybe all of this was in Setsuna's head and he was reading between the lines too much. Before he met her, Neil had never really done anything aside from work; maybe this was how he was now. Or maybe Setsuna had done something wrong. All of his brothers agreed that he was quite stubborn; maybe he had been too ready to fight Neil in his jealous and had pushed him away as a result. 

Could this be his punishment? Was he doomed to be like his biological brother, a disturbed and twisted individual who would end up killing his family and getting caught? Setsuna had learned about Ali three years ago, when his brothers thought him old enough to tell him truth about how he had made it to their family. They had all known about it ever since he had been adopted. It was possible that Neil only cared for him because he pitied Setsuna and felt bad for him. 

Or perhaps it was an entire ruse on Neil's part. Maybe Neil thought that Setsuna was just as sick and twisted as Ali but had only been nice to him because he was a kid. Maybe he was secretly disgusted by Setsuna, repulsed by him even, and now that Setsuna was older he was beginning to show it. Would Allelujah and Tieria do the same? Would Setsuna be ostracized from the only family he had known because of his past?

Biting his bottom lip, Setsuna pulled his knees up to his chest and clenched his hands together. No, not again. Not for the second time today. He could not, would not, allow tears to come to his eyes again, not after years of his ducts being dry wells. Yet the thought of everything he had ever known being a lie...it was painful, far more painful than anything he could imagine.

"Setsuna?" Allelujah's voice called out to him, sounding so far away even though he was right there beside him. "Setsuna? Are you okay?"

Setsuna bit his lip harder and his teeth broke the skin, causing blood to pour out and dribble down his chin. 

"Hey, hey, hey! Stop biting your lip!" 

Allelujah took Setsuna's face in his hands and forced his head up so that their eyes could meet. His brother gasped at the tears shining in his eyes and he felt ashamed. Today was a very, very bad day; this was twice now this had happened. How shameful. How disgraceful. He was a weakling, a pathetic weakling. 

"Setsuna...tell me what's wrong. Please?" Allelujah asked, his expression a mixture of concern and sadness.

"Alle...lujah," Setsuna practically whispered. "I need to know...do you and Tieria and...and Neil...despise me?" Allelujah's eyes widened with shock.

"Despise you? Why would we despise you?" he asked.

"Because of...Ali," Setsuna said and he searched Allelujah's eyes. All he saw was worry, sadness, and anger.

"No. No, we don't. That...that man is nothing like you. You are everything he's not. He might be your real brother, but you two couldn't be further apart on the spectrum," Allelujah told him. 

Suddenly, Setsuna found himself in Allelujah's arms being pressed to his brother's chest in a tight, unwavering embrace. When his initial surprise passed, Setsuna found himself returning the hug and leaning against Allelujah, glad for his brother's support. Allelujah nuzzled his hair while his hands rubbed his back soothingly and Setsuna found himself relaxing a bit, even calming down to the point where he could shut his mind off. Doing just that, he allowed himself to be held for a few more minutes. When he pulled back, he gazed at his brother for a moment before leaning forward and placing a shy, chaste kiss on his lips.

Allelujah's body tensed and his eyes widened. Though he return the seemingly innocent gesture, when it ended he pulled away and ran a hand over his face, which was flushed a tad bit. Turning to Setsuna, Allelujah gave him a weak smile.

"Setsuna, I know that you're hurting. I get it. I went through the same thing when Marie broke up with me," Allelujah said, his voice kind and patient yet firm, clearly drawing a line. "But losing yourself in other people...it will only hurt you more. Believe me; I know."

Setsuna looked down, his face flushed with embarrassment and shame. Allelujah ruffled his hair before tilting his chin up. The smile on his face was gentle and reassuring.

"I love you, Setsuna. You're my baby brother too. But I'm not the one you're in love with," he said. "I know you're hurting, but...you'll get through this somehow."

Setsuna nodded and Allelujah pulled him into another hug, only this one was brief, but still warm and calming all the same, letting Setsuna know that things between them were still good. 

"You look tired. Maybe you should get a shower and call it a night," Allelujah suggested. 

Setsuna nodded and slid out of his arms and made his way upstairs, leaving Allelujah behind on the couch.

 

~...~

 

The door wasn't even closed when Neil was shoved up against it roughly. A gasp of pain and his keys falling to the floor were the only noises until he was turned around and coming face to face with Hallelujah, who was seething and furious beyond belief. With narrowed eyes, Hallelujah glared at him, his face twisted into a menacing snarl. Neil's heart was pounding and his face was pale; the attack had caught him off guard and he wasn't ready to deal with Hallelujah. He hadn't even been anticipating it as his mind was still running over the advice Feldt had given him.

"You're going to listen to every damn word I have to say and you're going to listen well," Hallelujah snarled. Holding Neil up by his jacket, Hallelujah got in his face as he continued.

"You need to man the fuck up and tell Setsuna how you feel about him," Hallelujah ordered him.

"I-" Neil began.

"Shut the fuck up!" Hallelujah yelled and slammed Neil up against the door. "Setsuna thinks that you hate him because of what Ali did."

"What? But, why would I-"

"I said shut it!" Hallelujah seethed. "The point is he thinks you hate him, and after you left him alone in your own fucking bed this morning, I can't say I blame him. You had better break up with that slut and get over your own dumb ass morality issues fast or else I'll take Setsuna from you and I won't give him back."

Hallelujah released him and Neil collapsed against the door, green eyes narrowed at his brother.

"Fix your God damned mess, Neil, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life," Allelujah said, still glaring at him but no longer his darker, more dangerous self. Stalking upstairs, Allelujah left Neil at the front door. 

After catching his breath and getting a hold of himself, Neil sprinted up the stairs without a second thought. He went straight to Setsuna's bedroom and flung open the door without knocking. There, sitting on the bed in his old shirt and a clean pair of boxers, was Setsuna. He looked exhausted and so very, very sad. It pained Neil to see his baby look like that and what made it worse was that he had caused it.

"Neil...?" Setsuna said and his voice sounded like a prayer. 

Not saying a word, Neil crossed the distance between them and took Setsuna's face in his hands before he kissed him. It wasn't a kiss full of desire and want, but one full of passion and adoration as Neil tried to convey exactly how he felt through the kiss. Setsuna hesitantly returned the kiss after a moment and Neil pulled his baby into his arms as he sat down on the bed. Pulling back, his green eyes met Setsuna's amber and he could see remnants of tears in them. Feeling his heart squeeze in pain, Neil pressed another kiss to Setsuna's lip. And another. And another. Then to his cheeks, his eyes, his forehead, his nose, and his jaw.

"I'm in love with you," Neil whispered as he continued placing kisses on Setsuna's face, returning to his addictive lips. "I've been in love with you for a long time now."

"You...love me?" Setsuna asked, his eyes wide, almost as though he could hardly believe what he was being told. Neil kissed him over and over again, holding Setsuna in his arms as though her were a precious treasure. And he was.

"I do. I love you. I love you so much that I tried to fall out of love with you," Neil confessed. He pulled back and looked into those incredible eyes of Setsuna's. "I couldn't, though. If anything, my feelings for you have only intensified."

Neil pressed a kiss to Setsuna's forehead before placing another one on his lips.

"Setsuna, I am so sorry for being a jackass to you and for making you feel awful. I know I can't take it back now that it's done, but I can make up for it. If you would let me," Neil apologized, keeping his eyes locked onto Setsuna's as he spoke every single heartfelt word. 

"You don't hate me?" Setsuna said, his face flushed red and his eyes clouded with so many emotions. Even so, he looked beautiful and breathtaking.

"I could never hate you. You're the person I love the most," Neil replied and kissed Setsuna sweetly. When he pulled back, he smiled tenderly at him. "Do you love me too?"

He didn't think it was possible, but Setsuna's face got even redder and he looked embarrassed and shy. Neil thought he looked absolutely adorable and he nudged Setsuna's jaw with his nose, smiling all the while.

"Well? Do you?" Neil teased him lightly, his large hands rubbing Setsuna's back soothingly. 

"I...I...I..." Setsuna stuttered, his face putting a tomato to shame. Neil took pity on him and kissed him, his heart soaring when Setsuna didn't hesitate and kissed him right back. 

"It's okay, Setsuna. You don't have to say it until you're ready," Neil reassured him. He turned them around and fell back onto the bed, Setsuna lying on top of him. Gazing into those large eyes, Neil smiled softly. "I adore you, Setsuna, with every fiber of my being. And I'll make this right; I'll put all of my will into it."

He kissed Setsuna chastely and held him close, listening to their combined heart beats and reveling in the warmth his love gave him.

 

~...~

 

Sunlight poured in from the window, the soft rays warming his skin as he stirred to consciousness. Through his bedroom door and the walls, he could hear Tieria talking to Allelujah, instructing him on the correct way to flip a pancake using only the skillet, a trick that only Tieria seemed to have mastered over the years. Sighing happily, Neil curled around Setsuna's smaller body, nuzzling his neck affectionately and placing soft kisses on his bare skin.

Life had gone back to normal over the course of a year - or as normal as it could for Neil and his small family. Tieria was home from college for the summer, Setsuna was off as well, and although Neil still worked just as much and Allelujah was still doing part time work, they had plans for the summer. While life wasn't perfect, it was good, very good, and he wouldn't trade it for all of the money in the world.

"Setsuna, it's time to wake up," Neil said softly into Setsuna's ear before he nibbled it. Groaning softly, Setsuna buried his face into the pillow, causing Neil to grin.

"No," was all that came out of Setsuna's mouth. Neil pulled Setsuna's smaller body against his own and buried his nose in the dark, messy strands of his baby's hair. 

"That's not what you told me last night, baby," Neil teased. "I think what you said was more along the lines of, 'Please! Neil, don't stop! Oh, yes, yes, yes!'"

At that, Setsuna's head shot up and he turned to glare at Neil, his cheeks stained red even after a year of being together. Neil chuckled fondly.  
"That is not what I said last night and you know it!" Setsuna hissed. He would forever be a grump early in the morning, but it was one of the many things Neil loved about him.

"Okay, maybe not all of it, but close enough," Neil said as he leaned in for a kiss, which Setsuna gave him despite himself. "Good morning, beautiful."

"Boys aren't beautiful," Setsuna grumbled.

"True, but you are," Neil said before silencing his protests with a kiss. "I love you." Setsuna blushed and meant to look down, but Neil would have none of that. He caught Setsuna's chin with his fingers in a gentle grasp and forced their eyes to meet. "What? Don't you love me too?"

"Of course I love you," Setsuna said, averting his gaze as he flushed at saying the words. Even now, he was still so timid and shy at saying it. Neil was perfectly fine with that because that meant that every time Setsuna uttered those words, they were genuine.

"Come on. We had better get downstairs before they ruin the kitchen," Neil said and kissed Setsuna before he got out of bed, picking up his boxers and a shirt and putting them on. Setsuna followed suite and together they got ready to face the storm that was obvious brewing in the kitchen, if Tieria's ever rising voice was anything to go by. 

Life wasn't perfect, it still had its hard times, but it was as close as it was going to get. For once, everything was well. He was happy, Setsuna was happy, and his brothers were happy and that was all that mattered.


End file.
